Blair: Where is Martha’s date?!
Chuck: Penthouse suite at the empire with a woman I assure you he won’t want to leave until morning, maybe afternoon. Depends on his cardio.
Blair: I was going to play nice. You think I don’t have a plan “B”?
Chuck: Plan “B”?! What could be more cunning and devious than date night?
Blair: I had Dorota get chummy with Martha’s maid, who came over from one of her sweatshops in the Philippines. If I had to, I’ll blackmail her for the position.
Chuck: An illegal maid scandal? Nobody’s cared about those in years.
Blair: And a lesbian switheroo doesn’t make you Blackwater.
Chuck: The switheroo was for fun. The I.R.S. Agent standing by to crawl up Martha’s audit is not
Blair: A tax fraud setup? They give away girl scout badges for that. I have prenup. It has details.
Chuck: I have the nanny. She has pictures. Martha’s ex is in them. So is Martha. It turns out it was a threesome until the nanny turned it into a twosome.
Martha: Oh, my God! You students are psychotic. I have better things to do with my time. Tell the dean I quit.
Chuck: Shame. Sounded like a great class. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve heard good things about the make-your-own-pizza-bar.